the story continues

aku tak percaya lagi
dengan apa yang kau beri
aku terdampar di sini
tersudut menunggu mati

aku tak percaya lagi
akan guna matahari
dengan mampu menerangi
sudut gelap hati ini

aku berhenti berharap
dan menunggu datang gelap
sampai nanti suatu saat
tak ada cinta kudapat

kenapa ada derita
bila bahagia tercipta
kenapa ada sang hitam
bila putih menyenangkan…

aku pulang…
tanpa dendam
kuterima.. kekalahanku

aku pulang…
tanpa dendam
kusalutkan.. kemenanganmu

kau ajarkan aku bahagia
kau ajarkan aku derita
kau tunjukkan aku bahagia
kau tunjukkan aku derita
kau berikan aku bahagia
kau berikan aku derita

oh gosh!! my life goin upside down…mi sick? wakaka! dun understand? let me make it dis way…i had my lunch at 5.30pm n had my diner 4.00am the next morning….slept last nite at 7am woke up at 4.30pm….gonna haf finals on sunday…but i nt yet study ??wad mi doin? can sum1 tell me?

yawnzzz…tengzz 5am liao…still kenot sleep..stupid moviela"hitch’ make me laugh like fucks…yea..yea..old movie…but not bad wert….but oni certain tings i dun agree wif la…yea….sumtimes…u jz gotta plan b4 u go out on a date…even if its wif ur gf….coz im sure in here u wud luv 2 make dat evening a great…but sumtimes da more u plan da more frustrated u b if tings dun worked out…sigh…well i tink most guys wud haf dis dilemma…tink of…dun u gurls understands ofcoz we wan da best for u all…and sumtimes v oso kinda sked oso la …but sumtimes…tings jz dun worked out..sigh..i wish theres a ‘hitch’ in m’sia…but in my opinion ofcoz is good if u got a plan…but try nt 2 follow so much…be more urself…dats wad i learned…dun u tink so? anyway GOD i nid 2 get 2sleep…having my finals tomolo…nid 2 wakeup early n study…nt yet study at all DIE!

(2.14am, 17 OCT 2005) , ok today monday liao la…2more days…got a tough choice 2 make…gonna haf 2core subject’s finals back 2back…calculas, static…which shall i concetrate more??? static abit more confident but dun study oso die….calculas leh study like shit oso get lousy results…dunno y ppl so like maths…fucking pening…arghhh!!!…another tough choice to make is …its gonna b holiday liao la….really haf2 make my decision 2 du it anot….jaime, seewan,gwen, christine…u all sud knw wad decision i haf2 make…yla u all haf different opinion 1…make me so dunno how 2 dcide…shit…i nid chick…chick is da oni person can smack me wif a decision…but unfortunately…he oso kenot save himself nw….having stpm…wakaka..all da best man..still waiting for u2 sti wifme bside da coffin while…uknw lar…wakaka..ppl helpme helpme…!

p/s: white=confuse

hi, im back….ok let update on sumting, im having my finals for calculas n static on wed n thurs respectively…basiclly having around 10chapter or equivalently 25++ subchapter to cover or mayb more…haven flip through da table of content…haha static can consider cukup makan la..but calculas..hmm…basiclly din attend da class since da 1st month ….so u sud haf guessed wad cud actually happen to my grades…sigh…actually nt 2say i duwan 2 attend da class but da mother farking guy (lecturer) or shall i say bitch teach like a kindergarden , irresponsible lecturer..imagine…evday come in da class 10mins late…flipping through da mother farking textbook saying dis kind of sentence’ ermmmdis u can read urself…blah blah blah or he wud jz read from da textbook da content to u..c’mon wads da farking use…i can read myself back at home then where i can sleep n sit comfortablely n nonid wakeup early…wei c’monla i paid 1000++ juz to attend dis shit n take da test?teach sumting extrala! anyway….gonna smash my bloody head over da wall…despite my endless..tired week comes da news of da death of my favourite uncle(god bless u uncle, may u rest in peace) …..sigh…..ylah? my uncle such a nice person…god…u beta muz haf sumting great prepared for my in da future…for having me go through such a number of obstacles….anyway its 3.49am n time is ticking…gotta bang my head oN my stupid calculas book…ciaoz!

p/s: red =RAGE!

3.05 am (12 OCT 2005)-wakaka…yesterday was not bad…finished 3 battle…was at top form…though abit silap teknik at da material’s test coz forgetten sumting..nvmla..i got da feeling i will get an encouraging marks for dis subject…well hehe…anyway…yesterday i felt so high…felt so different after i made that decision..well im back for more action..credits to jaime, chick, my jie(siew eng) , and not to forget celestine…thanks to them..thank you very much guys..especially chick n jaime n jiez..i love u guys so very much! muax! mauhahah chick dun say im ‘gay’ arr coz ur too..wakakaka…coz of them im very much on form….hope this will carrying till da remainder of the war..till then!adious! ah bu ne ne!:)

muahuaha….numb leh those words..i post jz nw…nola i heard from a song …neh chick teach me 1 la listen 2 numb songs while studying…wakaka..kinda work….anyway these few week considered da busiest period of my life….finals, test, assignment…anyway wad i care….as my frenz alwiz tell me…i can b good in wat im doin..if i wanna do…n they told me mz try my very best..wakaka thanx fellas u guys look 2 highly on me…well cant dissapoint u guys…anyway wad is dis compared 2 months of suffering in da national service camp…muhauha aku budak PKN…harapan masyarakat harapan kerajaan Malaysia , Harapan TUN DR.MAHATHIR…hahah most important my parent’s HARAPAN …..so DR.LEE no use 1 la ur threat!!! bring it on!!!….wakakaka

Don’t.. don’t you wish we tried
Do you feel what I feel inside
You know love is stronger than pride
Don’t.. no don’t
Let your anger grow
Just tell me what you need me to know
Please talk to me don’t close the door
Cause I wanna hear you.. wanna be near you

Don’t fight.. don’t argue
Give me the chance to say that I’m sorry
Just let me love you
Don’t turn me away.. don’t tell me to go

Don’t.. don’t give up on trust
Don’t give up on me.. on us
We could just hold on long enough
We can do it.. we’ll get through it

Don’t fight.. don’t argue
Just give me the chance to say that I’m sorry
Just let me love you
Don’t turn me away.. don’t tell me to go

Don’t pretend that it’s ok
Things won’t get better that way
And don’t do something you might regret someday
Don’t..
Don’t give up on me

We can do it.. we’ll get through it

ello…as usual la me…no mood to study…jz holding these stupid bunch of notes and book scattered around my room….sigh…anyway 1st tings 1st…thanks jie…for da encouraging testimonial…well i hate to admit…i haf been telling all my frenz bout certain things that i myself shall du for myself but i failed…sigh..sumhow it is different when it really happen 2u…sigh…sienznya me…how long mi gonna continue like dis….where is the light im looking for…basicilly im stuck in a dilemma and sadness that i tink im gonna suffer for long…..well..actually holidays are coming soon..really couldnt imagine how it wud be…da worst is wad will happen after it…but i gonna take this holiday to search deep very deep and far for all the answers to my questions..im realli a confused, regretful, tired ..i realli nid to find a new perspective in life..if i dun…i couldnt imagine carry on..and move along….can sum1 help me?

its now 3.50am in the morning or late at nite? watever…im still stuck here with book lying everywhere in my room dirty room…gosh…im living life in the fast lane…well..go to be honest…i haf not much confidence lately…mayb i haf not done enuf…but honestly i really didnt du my very best coz i dun haf da motivation…every now and then dat wound will start 2 bleed n pollute my mind again…sigh…wad 2du….basicilly i got 3 final paper and a test 2 and two assignments 2 get done for dis two weeks..wonder i cud survive it?? jz hope ntg interupts me…:) sigh…felt kinda lonely nw…nt oni nw…alwiz…i remember last time da moments i fight da final..full of motivation..sigh..no more nw..sigh…wad 2 du..i jz 2keep it strong even im nt…i jz gotta move along even when da hope its gone…jz 2 get it through..oh yeah…went to tian hou temple yesterday…GOD u knw my prayers..hope ull answer 2 my prayers as soon as possible before i fall….